Don’t worry, I know 2016 is almost over, but if you knew what kind of year I’ve had it would all make sense.
To start off, my name is Brittany. I’m a 24 year old Para-educator with a teaching certificate and endorsement in middle level mathematics. I was married in 2013 and divorced in 2016. I suffer from anxiety and depression, but I thrive on the positive things this life has to offer. I’ve learned a lot about myself since December and I hope in some way that this blog will help someone else.
Now, let me tell you a little bit about my story…
The end of 2015 was the worst year of my life. December 11 I had to put my best friend of over 11 years down. He was the best dog a kid could ask for and the pain is as fresh today as it was the moment I felt his body go limp in my arms as he collapsed while I held him through his final moments.
On top of that my husband left me (don’t worry. It was the best thing to have happened). I’m so thankful he did and while his timing was selfish I’m almost thankful, because I don’t know if I could have survived the loss of Boyer in the mental state I was in.
December 13,2015 is when my husband told me it was over. December 14 is when I packed a bag and took my valuables and moved out at his demand. Before you feel sorry for me, I want you to realize just how much of a blessing it was that he left. Moving back in to my parents house was the first day that I had felt safe in a long time. It was the first time I had gone home and heard encouraging words instead of insults and slams against who I was as a person. It was the first time in a long time that I had gone home and had absolutely no fear that one day that wall may become me against his fist.
The hardest part about the divorce wasn’t that I lost my husband, or that he left me. The hardest part was the fact I had broken my wedding vow. For years I was trying to fix something that couldn’t be fixed. You can’t fix something that the other person doesn’t care about and that is what I was trying to do. I never once did anything for myself, but I did it for the vow. For over a year I had been thinking to myself about divorce, but I didn’t have the courage to take the stand and leave.
You may be wondering just where the “New year, new me” comes from. Well… it’s quite the list, but it’s a valuable one. Since the moment I left that house my life began improving. Here’s a small list of the things I accomplished since that day.
•moved out of my home
•stood up to my ex
•filed for divorce
•passed my certification tests
•accepted a Math is Cool coaching position
•was accepted into the student teaching program
•turned in my mathematics portfolio
•divorce was finalized
•sold my home
•completed my EDTPA
•PASSED my EDTPA
•graduated from college
•received my state certification
•bought a new car
•was promoted at work
•received a raise
•got a new job in the teaching field!
•found myself again
•most importantly, I found my courage and my strength
When I list it out, I have so much to be thankful for, and that is just the last 11 months. Those are only the giant victories too. There are so many others that I didn’t list that it’s hard to believe that’s all happened since December 13, 2015.
Not only did I accomplish all of that, but I found the love of my life just 2 months after he had left. I found someone who lets my personality shine. Someone who accepts my flaws for what they are and helps me push through the anxiety and the depression. Someone who enjoys doing the things I want enjoy doing, and someone who just enjoys the real me. For once I know what it feels like to be loved and that’s an amazing feeling, but that’s for another day.
I want this blog to help someone. One day I want someone to read it and know that they can make it through anything. That no matter what life throws at you, it’s how you handle it and come out on the other side that matters.
Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about leanrning how to dance in the rain. -unknown