Why do I do this to myself?


I currently work three jobs. I work as a one on one teacher for a boy with autism, I sell Mary Kay, and I work for a local rental company. Sometimes, especially this week, I wonder why. 
Why do I run myself ragged? Why do I work so hard for people who don’t seem to notice? Why do I take what little free time I have and fill it with more work?
Look at the picture above. Since I moved out of my parents place, I’ve never had anything like this before. I’ve never had a place where I can truly call it my own. I’ve never had a place that was always clean, taken care of, or respected. I’ve never felt safe. 
I work my ass off for the things that I have. Even with everything I’m doing things are still tight due to health concerns, school loans, and unexpected expenses. Nothing will ever be easy and that’s okay, but life never ceases to test your abilities. 
I just accepted ANOTHER job. That’s right…. four. I will be working four jobs now. Why not add driving a school bus to the resume right?! 
What was I thinking?! Well, I was thinking that with this additional job I will pay off my student loans in four years. In one year I could pay off my car. In three years I could have a decent down payment for a new house to call my own rather than an apartment. (Each item has the extra money designated strictly to that one item)
Don’t call me lazy. Don’t say I don’t care. I do care. I care too much. I care too much about everything I do on a day to day basis. I want to be secure. I’m so thankful that I am surrounded by people who think that I am capable of doing  these things. I need to learn to see what they see in me. 

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